This too shall pass...

This post makes my heart hurt. My heart hurts with the overwhelming joy of the miracle growing inside me. The miracle that I never thought I would bear. The miracle that caused so much pain and strained my marriage. The miracle I was content with never having. The miracle I can’t wait to meet. The miracle that made me hit rock bottom while, at the same time, taught me to rise. The miracle I will forever call my first baby. But most importantly, my heart hurts because this miracle, the one that has answered endless prayers, is breaking someone’s heart. I know this because those miracles broke mine too. 

For those of you whose eyes are welling with tears, mine are too. 

For those of you just starting your journey, I was too.

For those of you who are striving to fix things the naturally, I was too.

For those of you who woke up to another negative test, I did too.

For those of you who just wish someone else knew, I did too. 

For those of you who feel judged and misunderstood, I did too.

For those of you who have held & loved another one of your friends babies, I did too.

For those of you who have bought what feels like the hundredth baby shower gift, I did too. 

For those of you who are scared of reproductive endocrinologist, I was too. 

For those of you who are tired of hearing the opinions on how to fix your problem, I was too.

For those of you who are exhausted and emotionally drained, I was too. 

For those of you who are not open to IVF. I wasn’t either and, yes, you are still trying.

For those of you undergoing IVF. You are warriors and your mental strength goes unnoticed. 

For those of you who are tired of fighting with their husbands, I was too. 

For those of you who are worn out from injections and medications, I was too. 

For those of you who are ready to adopt but your spouse needs more time, I was too. 

For those husbands who are struggling to do and say the right thing; don’t stop trying,
and most importantly, don’t stop loving her. Mine never did. 

For those of you who just want this chapter to end, I did too. 

I changed the day I decided to let people into my world; into one of the saddest chapter of
my life, which is why this is so hard. Writing these words hurt. The thought of my miracle hurting
someone else pains me, but deep down, I know it’s nothing against me. You are going through
one of the toughest chapters of your life, you deserve this moment of anger and resentment;
I was there too. But promise me you won’t live there. Promise me you will rise. Promise me you
will attend the baby shower. Promise me you will gush all over your friend’s baby. Promise me
you will choose to love your husband. Promise me you will choose to love yourself. Promise me you
will keep on living. Because I promise you, infertility does not define you, you define it. 

“This too shall pass . . .” 

This was something I clung to night after night with full understanding that I did not know exactly
how things would pass, I just knew, eventually, this chapter would end. I was blessed with a
baby, a miracle far too many take for granted. I hope you are too. But I’m not here to promise that
your chapter will end like mine, because let’s be honest, you’re tired of that empty promise anyways.
I am here to promise you that this chapter of infertility will end and to let you know that I was there too.

Script Date: July, 2018