Infertility: Round Two, I Feel You

You need to know I wasn’t ready. It sounds selfish, but are you ever

ready for infertility? I walked into my fertility doctor’s office just shy of

being six months postpartum with Noah. Six months; you know, that's about
the time you start to feel like you're finally getting the hang of things as a mom.
After that appointment, I cried a lot. Why? Because I vividly remembered
how the process of infertility affected me. I wasn’t ready to subject
my body to treatments and medications. I wasn’t ready for the disappointments
and to be emotionally drained. More importantly, I wasn't convinced I could
be a good mom during the process. My heart wasn't ready.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he

answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.

I carry a lot of guilt in having these feelings while trying to get pregnant.
How could God bless me with a child if I felt this way? How could I
explain to others that this baby is equally loved and was equally prayed
for even though I had these feelings during the process?
This is the ugly side of infertility; one of many.

I write this to be transparent to those whose cross to bear is infertility.

Who struggles with wanting to grow a family but doesn't feel they are ready

because simply put, it’s a draining process; for yourself,
for your family, for your marriage. Surrender into prayer and

God’s timing. Have peace knowing that you are not alone if you choose to
pursue infertility when your heart isn’t ready. You are not a bad person.
You are an amazing mom. You will survive this. As you lean into God,
your heart catches up; you become ready. And the moment you are blessed to
hear your baby's heartbeat, I promise you will fall in love as much as you did with your first.

You are deserving of motherhood but you don’t have to be
ready for infertility. Lean in mama, God’s got you & I feel you.